Wine Guy

By Andy G.

1. Using words like earthy, nutty, complex, or oakey to detail your drinking experience. They're f-ing grapes.
2. Molesting the glass of wine before drinking it. Caressing the glass while you stare at it and then you start swirling it, tilting it, sticking your face in it. Get a room.
3. Swishing it in your mouth like Listerine
4. Disguising your nightly drinking of wine as a connoisseur instead of just wanting to get blitzed because your life sucks
5. Talking about the life of a grape by describing how it has over come adversity, like it's MLK.
6. Not having a scientifically modified super palette, but still purchasing $1000 bottles because you can tell the difference
7. Using wine paring expertise to convince you there is a perfect wine to go with your Froot Loops.

Everyday Products

If you own any of these items or think they are cool, you are not:

1. Divoga Managers Chair. Features a slim profile, chrome base, and eggshell colored faux leather with lumbar support and padded armrest
2. Fake bullet holes and baseball through glass sticker for cars. These look really stupid and if you have one of these stickers you should remove it immediately
   
3. Taking submissions at gatorjeff@gmail.com for more uncool products

Flying

1. Everyone knows that you will probably have to take your shoes off when going through security at a U.S. airport. Therefore, WHY wear knee high lace up boots that take 20 minutes to get off?
2. Trying to put a full-size suit case into a small plane's overhead.
   
3. Arguing with the gate agent that you should board early with the frequent fliers because in 1980 you were a frequent flier.
   
4. Using your cell phone on the plane before take-off and making sure everyone on the plane can hear you.
5. Getting out of your seat when the plane lands and getting your overhead items before the fasten seat belt sign is off. Do you really need a head-start?