Wine Guy

By Andy G.

1. Using words like earthy, nutty, complex, or oakey to detail your drinking experience. They're f-ing grapes.
2. Molesting the glass of wine before drinking it. Caressing the glass while you stare at it and then you start swirling it, tilting it, sticking your face in it. Get a room.
3. Swishing it in your mouth like Listerine
4. Disguising your nightly drinking of wine as a connoisseur instead of just wanting to get blitzed because your life sucks
5. Talking about the life of a grape by describing how it has over come adversity, like it's MLK.
6. Not having a scientifically modified super palette, but still purchasing $1000 bottles because you can tell the difference
7. Using wine paring expertise to convince you there is a perfect wine to go with your Froot Loops.