Things For Guys

1. Not cool if you drive a VW Beetle
   
2. Wear pants that are patchwork or pastel in color
3. Have a cell phone that is red or any color other than black, gray, silver, or dark blue
   
4. Carry a man bag
5. Keep your keys and/or wallet attached to your jeans via a chain of some kind
6. Wear t-shirts representing beers and especially bad beers (e.g. Bud, Miller Lite, etc.)
7. Drink bad beers (e.g. Bud, Miller Lite, Coors, most other mass produced American beers)
8. If you yell "Number 1" or hold up one finger in the air at a ball game whenever your team does something decent but in reality your team sucks and is not even ranked
   
9. If you can name a single Britney Spears, Celine Dion, or John Tesh song
10. If you purposely have a dog that would fit into a duffel bag
    

Jobs

1. If your job involves calling people for the purpose of selling something, surveying, or telling me who to vote for
2. If you make money based on sales from a pyramid situation
3. If you peddle vacation cruises for "free" plus port fees, flight to port, and "other fees"
4. If you sell timeshares
5. If you are a cold-calling stock or commodities broker...slimy
6. Realtors who call sellers and use market scare tactics
7. Car sales people who know less about the cars they sell than the customer....there are many of you
8. The person that has been holding the sign on the corner telling me about the golf store closing sale for the last three years
9. The person who has to yell "welcome to Moe's"
10. The person that drives the car that looks like a giant rat
    

Computers

1. If someone tells you to go to cnn.com and you go to Google and type "cnn.com" into the Google search box, you really need a computer lesson....and are not cool
2. You are not cool if you still do not know what "tabbed browsing" is
3. If your e-mail address changes every time your Internet provider changes....not cool
4. If #3 doesn't make sense to you....
5. If your computer still has the original sticker on the front that shows the specs (this goes for digital cameras and other similar devices)
6. If your computer has enough food in between the keys to make Thanksgiving dinner
7. If your screen is so smudged you need a professional window cleaner to come out and clean it
   
8. If you still use AOL (or had AOL anytime in the last 10 years)
9. If your laptop is larger than your TV
10. If you bookmark every page you have ever gone to
    

Topic #3 - Fashion

1. People who wear calculator watches. I actually see people wearing these in actual work meetings. There is no excuse for this. They were only cool for about 1 week about 25 years ago.
2. Shoes and belt colors that do not match. I am a guy and even get this one.
   
3. Short sleeve dress shirts. It is not a dress shirt if it is short sleeved. It looks ridiculous. I don't care if you live in Florida.
4. Worse....wearing a tie with a short sleeved shirt
5. Patchwork pants. I actually saw this once. At work. When we teased you we were not kidding. They looked moronic.
6. Jean shorts (jorts)
   
7. Sleeveless shirts. This is not normal behavior.
8. Double denim. Jean jackets with jeans. Not cool.
   
9. Bow ties. If your not wearing a tux you shouldn't be wearing a bow tie.
10. A picture of your animal printed on your shirt. Very uncool.
11. Socks with Sandals
12. Crocs on men. I don't really get the purpose of those things.
    

Topic #3 - Fashion

Due to populate demand (1 request) the next topic will be fashion. Check back in a couple days. Any other suggestions?

Taking Suggestions

I am taking suggestions for Topic #3. Guest authors coming soon. If you can create a list on a topic of things that are not cool please send my way.

Topic #2 - Cats

1. It is not cool to call your cat during your lunch hour and speak to them over the answering machine. "Did you eat all your food Snuggles?", "Mommy will be home in a few hours." Please stop.
2. People who walk their cats on a leash. This is ridiculous.
3. People who talk about their cats like they are human children.
4. People who leave money to their cats when they die.
5. People who have posters of cats hanging in their office.
6. People who celebrate their cat's birthday and invite other people's cats to attend the party.
7. People who have pictures of their cats without an accompanying human being next to them in the picture.
8. People who have professional pictures made with their cats
9. People who dress up their cats
10. If your cat has a MySpace page you are not cool and probably have much bigger issues
    

Some of you ARE cool

Many of you commented that you are not cool because you drive minivans or other kid-friendly vehicles. I am declaring you cool just for calling yourself out.

Help with Topics

Just to be clear, I am a Florida Gator (some of you had asked).
I am taking submissions for other topics. I will try to update this Blog at least every few days. If you have anything to add to one of the lists please let me know.

Today's Topic: Cars

Do you drive a cool car? I doubt it. Non-cool cars/things car related:

1. Any car that is Gold or Yellow
2. Cars with pin stripes
3. Pontiac Aztec's. If you have one please drive straight to a car dealer and lose it. If it is Yellow please set it free off a cliff.
4. Cars with hub caps. This is OK if you have a cheap car. This is not OK if you buy a real car and do not opt for real rims.
5. Leaving the Dealer license tag frame on the car after taking the car home. Seriously? You left yours on? It looks ridiculous.
6. Even worse, leaving the sticker of the Dealership on the back of the car. This looks awful. Go outside and remove it right now. I will wait.
7. The Chrysler 300M. This is not a cool car. This is a ridiculous looking junky car. Trust me, people are only looking at you to see who actually walked into a Chrysler dealership and thought, "that is a nice looking car, I think I will buy it". Really? You thought it looked good? Seriously? Did you also think it was well built?
8. Honor Student stickers. No one cares less about your kid than the person driving behind you.
9. People that will only buy American cars. I am sure my Acura has more American supplied parts than any "American" car out there. Many are made in Canada and Mexico. Get over it.
10. People that buy the undercoating on a new car and think they got a good deal on the car. You didn't.
11. PT Cruisers.
12. Chevy HHR and SSR
13. People who stop a football fields length behind the person in front of them at a red light.
    

Gators

This Blog will now focus on things that are cool and things that are not cool. You should pay attention.